Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
