If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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