i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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