Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
