Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
