He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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