mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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