Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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