You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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