weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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