Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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