just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
