Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
