I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
