I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
