I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
