the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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