even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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