it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
