Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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