her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
