The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
