He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
