Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
