Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
