I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
