I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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