11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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