so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
