i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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