You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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