he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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