I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
