So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
