So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
