it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
