ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
