After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
tequila makes me forget i have legs
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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