I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
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