I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
