I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
