I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
