I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
