I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
