Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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