saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
