So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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