take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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