Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
