I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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