Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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