O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
