I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
