Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
