so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
