Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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