Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
