We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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