So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
