I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
