I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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