i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
