apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
