At least make sure they are 18
Why
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
