is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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