I wish life had little blips of pornography
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
