She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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