Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize