Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
