these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
