that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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